


Magic 2.84: Cellmates

by GlassesAndGiggles



Category: Magic 2.0 Series - Scott Meyer
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Comedy, Humor, Illustration, M/M, Prison Gay, artwork, handjob, snarky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 22:57:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12568088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesAndGiggles/pseuds/GlassesAndGiggles
Summary: In a slightly Alternate Timeline, the Wizards decided that anyone banished will be sent back to 1984 instead of their own time so that Phillip can monitor them to make sure no one escapes. This results in Todd and Jimmy being imprisoned together at the Facility. They become friends and then something more in the close concrete confines of prison.-Illustration by the very talented and friendly artist deadghouls.





	1. Priors

When the Wizards had to banish their first person, which was Todd Douglas, he was from 2005. There were votes to send him back to his own time to face whatever he'd fled from, except this presented a problem:

Phillip, Jimmy, Eddie, and Tyler could not keep an eye on Todd in 2005 because that was further then they'd ever lived. That would leave the responsibility of monitoring Todd's file entry on Gary and Jeff. The Jeff part wasn't too bad, but with Gary as his only back up he'd end up handling the burden alone. Jeff did not think this was fair. He also didn't think that sending a person back to their own time made much sense. In 2020 a life where you cannot use electronics would be fundamentally altered, and from what he knew about retro movies, 2005 was much more like 2020 than 1920, where an EMP field would only mildly alter someone's existence. Sending Todd back to his own life so he'd pick up where he left off was total nonsense. He needed to be sent somewhere they would all help keep an eye on him. This meant losing the advantage that the banished wizard would be arrested as soon as they arrived, but if they were that bad, it was only a matter of time until devilishness or desperation drove them into the warm embrace of the law.

Thus, with Phillip being the oldest chronologically, they decided from here on all banished wizards would be sent to 1984. Todd was sent to 1984, almost immediately captured by a shadowy government agency who took note of his supernatural abilities, locked away in a facility without a trial, and rotted there for about a month.

Until Merlin showed up. Todd wasn't expecting Merlin. Merlin hadn't been expecting Todd. When Merlin was sent back to 1984, a time period much closer to him since he'd originally left in 1986, he'd immediately tried to take advantage of his knowledge of future events. Because it wasn't correlated with an infamous soccer riot, Phillip hadn't thought of the devious plan of sending Jimmy to Argentina, and had simply dropped him off in a desert.

Jimmy's powers were also quickly noted, he was cornered, sequestered, and locked up by the same shadowy government agency that had captured Todd. Since housing a prisoner like Jimmy was somewhat of a logistical nightmare, they dropped him off in the exact same Facility.

In the same cell.

This was awkward for Jimmy who had banished Todd years ago from his perspective but only a month ago from Todd's.

"I can't share this cell with him, we have a history." Jimmy protested when he saw his cell mate.

"Two guys with the exact same supernatural powers know each other? Small world." The Warden laughed, and ordered the move to be completed anyways.

"He assaulted me before." Jimmy blushed, recalling the incident. Todd sat up on the bench and looked at his new companion, smirking.

"What? It was a joke Merlin, I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant to give you a little tap and my finger slipped on the joystick." Todd flicked his finger, and then giggled. Jimmy scowled at him, not intimidated openly. "It's not my fault you can't take a joke."

"What was the nature of the assault?" The Warden asked warily.

"I punched him in the balls." Todd answered.

"You tricked me, it was a sucker punch." Jimmy supplement silkily.

"Because you're a sucker." Todd set aside his comic book and stood up. "Anyway, this is great, though. I was starting to go a little bit crazy being locked up in here alone."  
"Mr. Douglas has been a model prisoner so far, Mr. Sadler. I'm sure there won't be any issues, and if there are, we can address them then."

And so, Jimmy was shoved into the cell, the door was locked. The guard took their post down the hallway, shooting glances back at the two but not wanting Todd to try talking to them anymore. Jimmy listened desolately as the footsteps rung down the hall, bouncing off the concrete walls. He slumped into the single provided stool.

"You know..." Todd was unbearably happy sounding. "I picked you because I thought you might be the shithead of the group."

"What?" Jimmy looked over his shoulder.

"Yeah, when I was talking to Gary about the locals and the other wizards. He pointed out Kludge to me as the local bully, but I also figured out which wizard was the least popular. Like, not not popular, but openly despised, and he told me it was pretty much unanimously you. Then when the other guys came over for game night, one of the other guys talked crap about you for hours-"

"That'd be Phillip." Jimmy groaned.

"Yeah, the English one, and like no one defended you, so I figured 'Yeah, he's the group shithead. No one likes him. The perfect target.''"  
"And how well did that work out for you, exactly?" Jimmy sneered. "You forgot I was also in charge, so maybe next time you should punch someone who can't get rid of you on command, eh?"

"You're not in charge anymore, I'm guessing, unless the Wizards take weird vacations." Todd laid on his stomach and folded his arms, peering at the other curiously. "What the hell did you do? Did you punch Phillip in the junk?"

"Haa, no. That's not my style."

"So?"

"I made some orcs."

"What?"

"It's a long story."

"We've got nothing but time." Todd reminded.


	2. Why Merlin was unjustly banished, according to Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Merlin fills Todd in on what caused him and the other European Wizards to become estranged, and Todd thinks the tale is comedy gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can skip this chapter if you want since it just recaps the end of the first book 'Off to Be the Wizard', but I wrote it to establish the comedic chemistry of young Jimmy and young Todd's interactions. We never really get to see them chat in the books since Todd immediately punched Jimmy in the gd dick when they first talked because he's a lovable moron.

Jimmy held out on sharing the story of his own banishment for exactly one week. He finally spoke up because two factors: 1) He was bored. Like the immature child he was Todd was giving Jimmy the silent treatment until he got what he wanted and 2) Jimmy finally decided what details to omit, edit, and embellish to make himself look a little bit less like a shithead.  
Unlike Tyler, Todd loved Jimmy's plans. He even giggled with delight when Jimmy shared that he had used a modified version of Todd's 'ghosting' macro.  
"How well did it work?" He asked.

"I mean, I didn't want to torture him, I didn't know what else to do with him after he told me he my plan was evil, and I was definitely getting banished. I remembered I'd played around with your ghosting macro out of curiosity, testing it out on guys from the dungeon, and I had the words memorized so...."  
"You weren't ready to kill him to keep your secret?"

"No, not at that point. I wanted to salvage the situation. I didn't want him to be ghosted for a long time, so I started accelerating my plans, and that's when I crossed the line. On accident, mind you."

"What'd you do?"

"Remember how I was developing hobbits?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I sped up the program hoping I'd convince everyone else and bring Tyler back, and it kind of... killed all of Ricket's Bend."

Todd shrieked with laughter.

"How? How?"

"They shrank. Phillip said a lot of the corpses had been trying to take off their shoes, too..."

Jimmy trailed off. This had Todd bent over in giggling, and he paused his story to give the other   
time to catch his breath. A smile hitched up on Jimmy's lips too. "I guess it is a little funny, I mean, you know, not for the dead people and not for me, but the general overall idea."

"Struggling to untie your shoes during your last gasps of breath as your organs impale themselves on your ribs? Yes! It's glorious." Todd wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Did you tell them it was an accident?"

"Yeah, I did!" Jimmy emphasized. "I didn't mean to do any of it, even ghosting Tyler was a temporary thing, a placeholder."

"You tortured your friend for a week as a place holder." Todd chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. "You were the clique shithead."

"Aye, do you want to hear this or not?"

"I do, I do, please don't stop."

"Sure, I was mad Tyler had rejected my vision, but I didn't want to seriously hurt him. I have a macro to kill people. I could have used it at any point. Anyway, I showed them everything, all my models, all my plans, even though they weren't ready. I came completely clean... and you know what they did?"

"Banished you?"

"Rejected it! I had to try and kill them."

"Oh my god." Todd slapped his knee. "So, so, you were breaking every single law you helped create, showed a friend your plans that broke the laws you wrote, he said he was going to tell everyone you were breaking the laws of the society you started, so you ghosted him. Then, then you still wanted to show your friends your plans, so you sped those plans up, and then killed like, what?"

"Uh, a little under one hundred people."

"Yeah, so you killed like one hundred peasants, and then when you got busted for that, you... you still thought you were going to win them over?" Todd was impressed by how arrogant Jimmy was. Todd was used to not being able to manipulate people with his words because he was unlikable; it's why force bands had been so appealing. Jimmy was laboring under the idea that he could charm anyone, even more dangerous of an idea because it was an utter delusion that had simply gone unchecked for too many years.

"Well, it's a great plan! The world would be so much better with elves." Jimmy protested indignantly.

"No argument there, elf chicks are hot. Hell, elf dudes are hot. Elves are just hot."

"Right? And Orcs are so cool! So, I pulled out the last stop, the icing on the cake. I brought them out to see my orcs... and they weren't impressed!" Jimmy leaned back against the wall with an exasperated sigh. "I even dressed them in their best gear, I'd been making those damn golden cuirasses for six years perceived time."

"You jerks ruined my life because I controlled the town bully to punch you in the dick. Even though they all wanted to punch you in the dick too. I mean, if they're that overzealous about imprisoning someone who was just giving jerks what they deserved, why the hell would you think they'd let you get away with killing one hundred people?"

"Well, I had a hunch it might not work out."

"A little hunch?"

"Yeah, when they made it clear they weren't going to see reason, even Eddie!" Jimmy broke narrative in anguish. "Even he abandoned me. I was given no recourse, I sent the orcs to kill them all, then I walked away."

"You didn't watch? But you put so much work into your killer army. Watching them kill people is the whole pay off."

"They were still my friends, I didn't want to see them eviscerated. I didn't even want to kill them. They made me have to kill them."  
Todd tilted his head curiously, confused by Jimmy. A man willing to kill who wouldn't stick around to revel in the blood and the pain. It was a means to an end for Jimmy, not the whole point. For Todd, that was the whole point. To see that fear in an enemy's eyes was the ultimate purpose of the powers, he was sure of it.

"You didn't end up killing them, though, since you're here."

"No, I didn't kill any of them. I walked away from the orcs like a Bond villain, then Phillip's little side kick Martin showed up and I kicked his ass. It was cool, actually, it started as a giant robot battle... but I couldn't bring myself to kill him either." Merlin sighed, draping his arms over his knees. "I really liked the Banks kid, he reminded me of me. I thought if I hurt him enough he'd see the light and convert over, but he's as stubborn and myopic as Phillip is."

"And that's why you're here. How'd they beat you?"

"Phillip climbed through his toilet, oh, he was the one crapping on my statue, I thought it was Gary this whole time. Anyway, he hit me in the face with hot sauce. I was gloating." Jimmy ran his fingers through his hair in thought. "I can't help it though, I'd gotten so used to thinking in   
magic, I forgot attacking without using the shell was even a thing."

"Even though I did something to you without the shell?" Todd asked.

"Yes, despite that experience, though I will admit I wasn't punched in the dick once during the entire encounter. Force field."

"So here we are. Me because I pulled a prank and you because you're murdered a bunch of women and children and then tried to eradicate Wizard society entirely in an orc-fueled genocidal purge, leaving yourself the sole survivor."

"You make me sound so much worse when you put it that way."

"It is so much worse. The fact that we got the same punishment shows how cliquish you jerks are. I probably would have gotten applauded if I'd been cute and chatty like you are."  
Jimmy's eyebrow furrowed.

"Cute?"

"Shut up." Todd snapped, rolling away and facing the wall in his cell.


	3. Mutually Beneficial Arrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frustrated Todd proposes a solution to their self-pleasuring schedule problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this goes from genfic to slashfic. Boys kissing!

Todd was a sociopath. Jimmy was a psychopath.

This meant that they were capable of many of the same terrible things, but it came from different places. Jimmy was born lacking empathy. He developed the ability to blend into normal society (somewhat) and fake whatever he needed to get what he wanted. He understood emotions cognitively but was almost always cool and collected, even when things were going terribly, and as a result had a hard time relating to people. He always felt a bit like an extra-terrestrial wandering among hysterical, emotional lesser beings. This is why Phillip was never able to get under his skin, even after a years-long campaign of insults.

Todd was an ugly kid from a poor neighborhood who spent most of his youth being bullied by everyone from his school mates to his parents. Unlike Jimmy, his emotions worked just fine, meaning every insult found its mark. As a result, he become so highly dysfunctional others smelled the 'wrong' on him, which only made them treat him worse if they chose not to ignore him. He was so paranoid that even when people were kind to him, he tended to assume it was some sort elaborate Carrie-esque prank to humiliate him. Being stripped naked without warning, hogtied, and dropped in the middle of an airport by the first group he felt he might have a chance of belonging to didn't help this paranoia at all.  
Jimmy had abused the locals because he was obsessed with his own ideals of aesthetic perfection, getting everything to fit neatly into his picturesque world.  
Todd had abused locals for the same reason he'd murdered his manager: to get back at the world and the people in it for sucking so much. Kludge was a bully and hadn't had the good sense to stay the hell away from Todd despite the obvious warning sign in his bright, malevolent eyes. Todd had abused Jimmy because he knew Jimmy was like Kludge, just a preppy bully instead of a drop out.

They could have held grudges against each other.

Yet both felt like things had turned out even, regardless of who struck first or harder. Despite the difference in origins, they were two men who had tasted unlimited power, and now had the exact same group of jerks to plot revenge against. It didn't hurt that many of their interests also over lapped. Jimmy's unflappable temperament and Todd's first experience with social acceptance, even if it was under forced duress, ended up being a perfect pairing. Jimmy wasn't scared of Todd, wasn't freaked out, and wasn't unsettled. He thought the other was fascinating, and Todd was instantly infatuated with the judgement free conversations he could have with Jimmy

They'd spend hours musing about the possibilities of the file, between chatting about long, gritty comic book arcs. They both took up drawing together, a common prison past-time. Jimmy mostly drew castles, outfits, and idyllic fantasy scenes. He still entirely planned on going back, before the other wizards did, maybe 1110 or 900, and establishing his paradise so this was time well-spent. Occasionally he'd supplement one of Todd's intricate death traps illustrations with his own suggestions, since he possessed a better understanding of physics and engineering then Todd, who'd never gone to university.

And when the cell went completely silent for hours on end because at the end of the day were still two introverted nerds, that was fine too. Everything was utterly halcyon between the two.... except for one little thing. It started as a small thing, but about three months into their mutual cohabitation it began to become a problem.

When crammed into close quarters, men find they don't have the privacy they need to take care of certain biological imperatives. Double this with the guards watching them hawkishly until lights out, and then listening attentively after that. They wanted to take advantage of patrol schedules to find those few blissful moments of uninterrupted quiet and darkness. They both wanted to masturbate around 11pm, long enough after lights out that their cell mate should be asleep. Though they weren't because their bodies were tense from being locked up all day and anticipating the rush of hormones that masturbating would bring. If one would start and the other would hear him, he'd get spooked and not start himself, but then the first person would notice the change in the breathing, and stop awkwardly, knowing they'd been caught. Then neither guy would find relief.

Finally, after a particularly drawn out session of start-stop-spook-start-stop, Todd heaved a sigh and leaned over the edge of the bed.

"Christ Jimmy, I'll do it for you if you're not going to make up your mind." He was cranky from being kept up past bed time, like the child he was. Jimmy tugged his blanket up to his chin.

"Don't look down here if you know what I'm doing."

"Look, I got two hands, I'll get both of us at the same time."

"I'll pass. Todd, what traumatizing life experience do you possess that causes you to assume this is an acceptable line of inquiry?"

"I've been listening to your little gasps and moans for weeks now. I know the pace you like it at. Come on, let me do it. I can finish both of us before the guard gets back. He usually stops by the vending machine right about now."

"No." Jimmy snapped, leaving little room for argument. Todd disappeared back over the edge of his bunk, and Jimmy's heart rate began to decelerate. That was the end of the matter until Todd started climbing down the rungs on the side of the bunk bed. This made Jimmy scramble, pressing his back against the cold concrete. Todd was a shadow in the darkness of the cell, but Jimmy felt the shift in the pressure of the bed as Todd sat down next to him.

"To be honest, hearing you go at it kind of turns me on. Let's make this fun instead of frustrating."

"I'm not gay." Jimmy hissed. "Get back on your bunk."

Todd turned around and crawled towards Jimmy, until he was close enough for Jimmy to see the contours of his face even in the dim light from the hall.

"I'm not either, but we're going to be here for a long time."

"Todd, if hearing me.... 'go at it', as you phrase it turns you on, I have news for you: you're at least a little gay. And anyway, maybe you will be here for a long time, but I've always got plans." Jimmy didn't have any plans that were close to functional, but there was no reason Todd needed to know this.

"You don't have any plans for escape that are going to be happen before tonight. Just give it a chance." Todd sat on his own ankles, letting a hand drifted experimentally up to Jimmy's leg.

Jimmy stared at it, the fingertips tickling him through the thin fabric of the jumpsuit.

It didn't feel.... bad. And it was dark in here.

And it's not like anyone would know...

"Merlin?" Todd asked, using Jimmy's preferred name intentionally.

"I don't have to return the favor, do I?" Jimmy asked.

"No, you don't." Todd's hand moved up past the knee the massage Jimmy's thigh. "It'd be nice if you did, but I'm frustrated, any relief without us dancing around each other is fine by me."

Jimmy inhaled.

"Let's establish some rules."

"Yes, because you're so good at following the rules you establish. That's why you're here." Todd snarked, though he still let his hand drift up further on Jimmy's thigh.

"Shush. Okay, so first rule, no butt stuff."

"I wasn't planning on it. I don't usually use my butt when I masturbate."

"Okay, just establishing that rule. Don't use mine either."

"I have to live with you and we're the same size, I'm not going to rape you. So, no, no butt stuff. What's the next rule?"

Jimmy thought for a second, though it was increasingly hard to focus as his cock became increasingly hard from Todd's fingers exploring his body.

"No kissing."

"On the mouth?" Todd asked.

"Anywhere."

"Hmm, no, I reject it."

"What? You don't get to veto my rules. They're edicts as issued by the one and only Merlin. This isn't a god damn democracy."

Todd let his fingers slid down between Jimmy's thighs. His wrist brushed aside the erection and his fingertips found the ball sack. He stroked it in a slow circle, only applying the lightest pressure, which still made Jimmy squirm.

"I want to kiss you." Todd stated. "But I can compromise."

"Well I don't want to kiss you." Jimmy retorted, though his voice warbled as Todd stroked him, making him continue to grow in reaction to the friction.

"You don't have to. Let me kiss you. Not on the mouth."

"Where?" Jimmy asked suspiciously.

"I want to kiss your neck. Just... get buried in your hair. It's so pretty."

"And you're still going to stick with the 'I'm not gay' narrative, huh?"

Todd leaned forward, his fingers fiddling with the buttons on Jimmy's jumpsuit. He undid them, exposing the chest.

"I'm mostly straight, that's why I like your girly hair. " Each word Todd said popped against Jimmy's skin, making it goosebumps. It crumbled his resolve.

"Fine, below the chin, above the belly button, that's it."

"I accept those conditions." Todd finished unbuttoning Jimmy's jumpsuit, the cheap fabric folding open like a banana peel.

"And no talking during it."

"You can't stick to that, you never shut up." Todd scooted forward and easily plunged his hand behind the wall of orange, finding Jimmy's underpants and fingering the bulge there. "Of course, 

I fully expect to wake up to find you inside my ass kissing me on the mouth, based on your history of obeying your own rules."  
Jimmy groaned. "Half of those rules were Phillip's, I didn't want to-"

"Okay, here's a rule. No talking about other men while we're doing this." Todd mumbled against   
Jimmy's skin, misting it with his breath.

"Haa, what's the matter, jealous?" Jimmy gave a small gasp as Todd firmly snatched his cock and gave it a tug.

"No, it's just I pictured his nasty hairy face and got turned off. No guy talk unless it's approved ahead of time and filed away in our mutual wank bank, okay?"

"That's going to be a short list of mutuals because I'm not ga-aa-aaah..." Jimmy moaned as Todd nuzzled against his neck, teeth nibbling at the pale skin. He was pulling Jimmy's body against him slightly with each tug. Jimmy reflexively folded one arm around Todd's back. Todd was right. It did feel better with someone else's hand. "You're so rough!"

Todd licked the spot he'd bitten, then slowed down to inhale deeply.

"Show me how it's supposed to be done?" Todd teased. Jimmy rolled his eyes, but spread his legs a little more, allowing Todd easier access. Todd adjusted the angle of his wrist and fell into a comfortable rhythm, his other hand finding himself.

"You're not good at tricking people Todd, don't even try." Jimmy leaned his head back against the cold wall behind him. Todd didn't reply to the barb, but pressed himself against Jimmy firmly. He lavished attention on the blonde man's collar bone, stroking and flicking with his tongue between sucking bites while his fingers serviced Jimmy's cock. What he lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm.

Jimmy had always been with women before, and as a result had done most of the fawning, attention-lavishing, and admiring. There something that appealed deeply to his narcissistic roots about just leaning back and absorbing the uncontrollable passion of someone.

Todd worked Jimmy to climax, his hands being involved but his mouth being the true catalyst as it heated, cooled, and teased the ultra-sensitive skin about Jimmy's shoulders. Hot sticky semen bubbled from Jimmy's tip all over Todd's hand. Todd gave a throaty moan and came himself. It hadn't been physically exerting, stroking himself and Jimmy in the quiet of the night, but he still gasped and caught his breath. The intensity of it, the closeness to another person, the smell of someone else all over his body and the taste of his skin on his tongue....

Todd felt suddenly overwhelmed.

"Hell, you did it." Jimmy didn't even sound too sarcastic, his own face a satisfied smile. "You were right for once."

"Of course, I was right." Todd staggered from the bed and went over to the small steel sink. He rinsed off his hands, face burning. "So... same time tomorrow night?"

"Sure." Jimmy breathed.

It might not come as a surprise to anyone that Jimmy broke all his own rules within one month of their arrangement. Impulse control had never been a strong suit in either man and curiosity despite a natural reluctance drove them forward each step of the way.

Jimmy bottomed, unless he was particularly imperious that day. He did enjoy having someone kneel before him again, though he didn't often look very dignified during the proceedings, his fingers clutching Todd's hair and his breathing ragged. Todd didn't care what they did, as long as he got to touch, whisper, caress, and be close.  
Jimmy enjoyed the attention, and saw Todd as a convenient physical release. He also noticed after these sessions he got Todd to do all the unpleasant chores around the cell with no problem.

Todd, being a sociopath and thus having highs and lows of emotion, fell in love with Jimmy. He'd never experienced a connection so deeply with another person before. If it'd just been physical, that'd be one thing, but the long talks, the quiet presence, the shared sense of purpose of getting back to Camelot and destroying all of those who'd rejected them...

He was in love.

A sociopath in love with a psychopath, both confirmed killers and bent on revenge. It is apparent that much further in this tale would take a dark and decidedly unfunny turn. So, let's stop here, lingering in the afterglow of two terrible people who found each other.


End file.
